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2010 F1 Season Review

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Well that was a fun season, wasn’t it? So much action and drama. Just as a summary, here are the key events of the season:

Bahrain – The highly-anticipated first race of the season turns out to be a bore as McLaren romp home to a 1-2. But on the last lap, Button dives past Hamilton. The world champion laughs his way to the podium, his team mate sulks, and Alonso smirks in the background

Australia – Scandal! McLaren are thrown out for their “illegal” rear wing. F1 fans blast Jean Todt for Ferrari bias, even though he had nothing to do with it. In the race, Mark Webber is heading for a historic home win until the last few laps when his car splutters to a halt and Vettel inherits the win. Suggestions that traces of Jagermeister were found in his fuel tank are largely ignored by the media, who instead choose to focus on Vettel’s “Schuey-like” performance. As for the man himself, he refutes questions that he is too old after finishing 12th, a minute behind his team mate, and taking a further minute to wriggle out of the W01

Malaysia – Despite Bernie’s insistence that afternoon races at Sepang are a good idea, it once again pours with rain halfway through. Several drivers spin off, leaving a battle between Schumacher and Webber, only for Schumacher to spin off. However, the red flag is immediately thrown, and the results backdated to the previous lap, giving Michael the win. But fans choose to point out that the FIA must be biased not due to that, but to the fact that Massa dropped from 3rd to 6th on that same lap with a series of spins

China – The Shanghai circuit is as dull and grey as ever. But the race is a dry, boring procession, although the powers-that-be insist it has nothing to do with the refuelling ban. De la Rosa takes a shock win but the British media are so interested in the 8th and 10th place finishes of the feuding Brits they completely ignore it

Spain – De la Rosa wins again, but continues to get ignored. Instead, the focus is on the dreadful racing – the Spaniard’s home win is dismissed as a freak of the refuelling ban with no one able to overtake him, despite the fact that he qualified on pole by half a second. Tension continues to mount at Red Bull as Vettel overtakes Webber when the Aussie gets held up behind Glock. The Virgin driver denies colluding, saying “no, I’d never help out a driver from another team, not after the cheque from Lewis boun…oh fu…”

Monaco – The worst race ever. No overtaking. No position changes. Amidst all the snoring, Alonso wins. Most notable event was Nicole Scherzinger “falling” into the harbour. Jessica Michibata denies involvement

Turkey – After a series of terribly dull races, some action at last – di Grassi overtakes Kovalainen on lap 43. McLaren are back on top, though, after their employees at the MTC work a 168-hour shift the week before to produce a new rear wing and octuple-decker diffuser. Hamilton wins, and in the press conference, unconvincingly denies rumours he is set to join Lotus

Canada – A mega-crashathon. 3 cars finish – Buemi, Petrov and Chandhok. The reason for so many crashes is the increasing number of cars on the side of the road after a crane fails, with drivers hitting other parked cars, although Webber suffers an engine failure after getting a groundhog stuck in his air intake. Bernie later denies that having a splattered mammal clearly visible in an F1 car is not too graphic, saying “children need to learn about death so we are educating them”. Typical controversy ensues

Europe – Oh my god this was terrible. I think Lewis won. Can’t quite remember

Britain – On the eve of the British GP, Jenson Button announces signing a contract with Williams, saying he is delighted to be returning to a team with such a great history and work ethic. An emotional Barrichello announces his retirement at the end of the season. Webber finally wins but it is overshadowed by “Britsteria” in the media and at the track, where there is an invasion at the end of the race. Bernie uses it as an excuse to drop Silverstone from the calendar in favour of the Kuwait GP, where a circuit is being built in just 4 weeks. The FOM boss denies that this is unethical and insists the fans will be delighted with the move

Germany – On the eve of the British GP, Jenson Button announces a return to Mercedes, saying he is delighted to be returning to a team he had such great success with. On track, an overoptimstic move from a desperate Vettel on the first lap eliminates 5 front-runners, and late on, it begins to rain. Barrichello stays out on slicks for the last few laps and wins. Alonso spins out late on, so another good finish from de la Rosa means he still heads the championship standings, but the British media choose to instead hype “Hamilton’s late season push for the title”, despite the Brit finishing a miserable 7th

Hungary – Massa makes amends for the previous 2 years by taking an emotional first win of the season. Everyone at Ferrari cries, apart from Alonso, who is frustrated that his team mate didn’t let him through. But other than that, the race was uneventful. Nothing new there then. Meanwhile, Jenson Button announces signing a “dream deal” with Lotus, whilst the FIA confirms the selection of the mysterious AHR team for the 13th slot – forumers complain about David Richards being overlooked again despite the Prodrive boss not even submitting an entry

Belgium – A wet-dry-wet-dry-wet-dry race at Spa causes chaos as the season begins to get more exciting. But as leader Massa and 2nd-placed Vettel are about to begin a battle for the lead in the final laps, Kubica crashes and the safety car is controversially brought out. Fans once again complain in the usual manner. Newly confirmed at Virgin in 2011, Jenson Button finishes 3rd, denying Hamilton more points

Italy – Force India suddenly come alive again but it is too late for Liuzzi, who had already been dismissed after being photographed drinking Glenfiddich whisky – not that he was sacked for drinking, but for drinking a rival to Vijay Mallya’s Whyte & Mackay. Instead, Paul di Resta arrives and wins on his debut, and the British media goes wild. In all the “Resteria”, Hamilton picks up a podium and moves into the lead of the championship, but no one cares. Meanwhile, Jenson Button’s impending move to Toro Rosso is on hold when he announces a deal with Stefan GP, who still don’t have an entry

Singapore – Hamilton dominates but all the British focus is on di Resta, struggling down in 15th. But Jonathan Legard assures us it was the performance of a champion. Webber finishes 2nd to move ahead of Vettel and de la Rosa finishes 3rd after Schumacher is given a drive-through penalty for speeding in the pit lane – the German denies suggestions that he didn’t reach the limiter button in time because of alleged arthritis in his elbow

Korea – Whilst the fans get on with their job of whinging about F1’s newest venue, the drivers get on with their job of driving. But further controversy arises when NASCAR-bound Button moves over for Hamilton on the last lap. McLaren are immediately banned for 2 races for illegal use of team orders, despite an emotional appeal by Martin Whitmarsh. Elsewhere, Bernie has no doubts that the new Laotian GP will be a hit when it is introduced next season, despite doubts over the Tilke circuit designed in the shape of a liver

Japan – With events off the track, such as Hamilton pledging his loyalty to McLaren and the announcement of Button’s deal with Dale Coyne Racing, overshadowing the race, it’s easy to forget that this was one of the best races of the season. Massa wins after an exciting duel with Rosberg, but Hulkenberg stars for Williams until a collision with Schumacher 3 laps from home. Michael is later heard to be muttering “those young whippersnappers…” and is said to have suggested the return of corporal punishment for young offenders

Brazil – Massa dominates his home race again after Barrichello suffers heartbreak when his suspension fails after hitting a beach ball that lands on the circuit. Massa’s win means 6 drivers will go into the final race with a chance of the title: both Ferrari drivers, Schumacher, Hamilton and de la Rosa. But the British media instead concentrates on raving about future champion di Resta’s “Mansell-like” charge to 12th. Outside the racing, the Sultan of Brunei officially confirms the completion of the new circuit in his country, just 2 weeks after work started. Bernie denies the use of slave labour is wrong, saying “well, it gets things done”

Abu Dhabi – Sensation on the morning of the race – Lewis confirms he is to join the new AHR entry for 2011, which soon reveals itself to be…Anthony Hamilton Racing. Lewis says he can no longer trust the team over what went on . Button quickly drops his plans to move to Formula Nippon and reaffirms his commitment to McLaren. Meanwhile, the title battle reaches breaking point, the Ferrari and Red Bull drivers fall out in spectacular fashion. One by one they fall back. Rosberg allows Schumacher to pass and make a bid for the lead. But when he slides up the inside of Hamilton, the Briton turns in. Both drivers are eliminated. Webber then wins, denying Vettel the win that would have given him the title, so Hamilton is seemingly champion again. But Schumacher cries foul, the FIA disqualifies Hamilton from the championship, bans him for life and declares de la Rosa champion. There is a massive fight at the Red Bull garage from which Webber emerges the victor. A bloody-nosed Vettel announces he’s leaving Red Bull for Mercedes, which is then refuted by Schumacher who changes his mind about his intended retirement. Massa replaces Vettel, only for Ferrari to call him back when Alonso announces his retirement over “injustices in the FIA and F1”. The FIA confirms the refuelling ban is lifted. McLaren quit. And then, Bernie, after talking with Todt, decides to stop the whole thing by cancelling F1 forever. Talk about taking your ball and playing with it elsewhere…

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Written by James Bennett

March 10, 2010 at 16:06

Posted in F1, Satire

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